Rubber Ducks
by bottledcages
Summary: Chuck finds himself in Brooklyn, in a bathtub belonging to Dan Humphrey, a bubble bath clad Dan sitting on his lap. With a yellow rubber duck shoved somewhere... unpleasant. Utter Crack. DUCK pairing, Lemony yaoi! One-Shot. TV verse.


**Rubber Ducks**

It all started with a duck.

A small, yellow duck.

A small yellow duck that was made of rubber and made an annoying _squeak_ when pressure was applied.

And boy, was a lot of pressure applied.

Chuck Bass stared at the seemingly innocent bath toy griped in his fist, the air escaping it in a high pitched _squeeeaach!. _

_'Ha,' _He thought sadistically as he tightened his hold, gaining some kind of perverse pleasure watching it deflate in his hands. '_You don't rule _me, _duck. I'm Chuck Bass!' _

He could hear the shower running in the next room. That bastard was taking a long time in there.

Not that Chuck wanted to see his face. Unless, of course, it was to give it a good ol' punch.

He still couldn't quite believe that this damn duck was the cause of this mess he'd gotten himself into. I mean, dear God! He had _slept _with _Dan Humphrey. _

_**Humphrey!**_

Because of a piece of plastic moulded to look like every ones favourite pond animal. What had become of him? What on all the many plains of hell could have convinced him that bedding the Brooklyn-born book writer was a good idea?

No, it was all that fucking ducks fault!

Its beady black eyes seemed to stare up at him in an almost mocking manner, like it was trying to say: '_Muahaha! Look what I made you become! The great Chuck Bass; Geek Fucker!' _

The dark haired man hurled the stupid thing across the room, flinching in irritation as it hit the wall making a dull 'squeakch'.

If he had to hear that infernal noise again; he was sure his brain would explode.

Hearing the water from the shower turn of, Chuck turned to face the bedroom door.

Dan stood there with a white towel wrapped around his waist, scrawny- yet strangely appealing- chest on show his curly black hair dripped with water.

"What... Exactly 'happened' last night, Chuck?"He asked cautiously, leaning against the doorframe and fixing him with a confused stare. The man in question simply sighed and smirked slightly, raising his hands in the universal gesture for not knowing. Dan gave him a pointed look.

"I know you know. You always know what you've done." Dan said. " Who you've done." He added as an afterthought with a tilt of his head. Chuck pointed to the rubber duck lying upturned on the floor, rolling his eyes as Dan's face lit up with recognition.

"Is that...?" he started, trailing off. His brow was furrowed as memories of the previous night were pushed to the forefront of his mind. "Was that...?"

"Yes, Humphrey. That's the duck I shoved up your ass."

_**Nine Hours Previous**_

Chuck Bass had been forced to come to Brooklyn. His watch read 11:30 and he was not a happy man. Back at his apartment, three beautiful young women were waiting for him in his newly brought king-sized bed; yet he was out walking Monkey around the dingy streets of the Lower East Side.

He just couldn't say no to that mangy mutt Humphrey had unceremoniously dumped on him. Monkey had the most effective puppy dog eyes known to man.

Whilst thinking about the fun he could be having back at the Empire, he started to notice an unpleasant heat on the hems of his trousers, it was wet and caused them to sag from the added weight.

Looking down, Chuck was stunned.

The Dog.

Had.

Pissed on him.

On Chuck Bass.

After he has collected himself from the sheer mortification of what the damned dog had done to him, he started to walk again, dragging Monkey roughly behind him.

Even though it was late and it was unlikely anyone was going to see him, Chuck refused to walk around Manhattan with dogs piss stinking his clothes.

He only knew one person in Brooklyn.

So with a sigh, he made his way to the loft to steal a pair of trousers from Humphrey.

Little did he know, that wasn't all he was going to steal.

Meanwhile, Dan was in the bath. Bubbles floated on the surface and his rubber duck rested on his submerged stomach. His eyes were closed as he sighed in relief from them calming warmth spreading throughout his body as his muscles relaxed. It had been a tiring day for the young man. He had accidentally deleted a whole chapter of his new novel and had no backup. Ridiculously behind schedule, he has skipped lunch and dinner to rewrite it.

_Rap_

_Rap_

_Rap_

_Rap_

_Rap_

Somebody was at the door. Dan groaned in misery. Things just weren't going his way today!

It was probably just his father anyway. Maybe he wouldn't have to get out of the bath, he'd left the door open, after all.

"It's open!" He yelled, his voice echoing in the steamy bathroom.

He could hear the handle click open and... A dogs bark?

"Where are you, Humphrey?"

'Fuck! It's Chuck!'

Mind in a panic, Dan stumbled out of the tub, making a racket as he slidg on to floor in his haste.

_'damn it, damn it, damn it!'_

"Humphrey?" Chuck voice called again. Looking up, Dan's horrified eyes locked onto Chucks face who had just appeared in the doorway. The dog was at his heels and the sicklily aroma of what seemed to be urine filled the bathroom, blending in with all the sweet smelling soaps. It made Dan feel considerably queasy.

Though that could have just been the embarrassment and panic welling up in the bottom of his stomach at the fact that he was in his naked glory in front of Chuck Bass.

The awkward silence that had settled was finally broken by the man with the dog.

"Well, Brooklyn, you do have one after all."

Spluttering indignantly, Dan adjusted his position to hide his privates. His face was flushed red and he was sure the intensity of Chucks gaze was... Turning him on.

The young entrepreneur frowned in thought and, making sure Monkey stated outside, shut the door behind him.

"Wha...What are you doing?" Dan asked as Chuck started to unbuckle his belt and pull his trousers down.

"That mutt you gave me decided I was a good replacement for a lamppost." He threw the trousers behind him and advanced on Dan, who was still lying on the floor in a puddle. Unable to move, Dan just stared open mouthed as Chuck moved passed him and lowered himself into the still full bath.

Thankfully he still had his underwear on.

"You can't just come in here and steal my bath water!" Dan said, incredulity tainting his voice as he recovered himself slightly.

Chuck didn't seem to listed to him as he was fascinated with the bobbing duck that was still floating amidst the bubbles.

"Hey! That's my duck!"

Chuck turned his head towards him."What are you going to do about it?"

Dan stood up, reaching over the bath to take back his duck.

He slipped and fell in, his hand landing on Chuck's crotch.

"Eager much, Lonely Boy?"

It escalated from there.

Dan felt Chuck go hard under his fingers. Chuck's face was set in a slight smile. Dan's rough and sudden groping had felt good. He had expected to be pleasured that night, just not by Dan Humphrey.

Clutching onto the writers arm with his big hands, chuck drew him closer to himself, smirking as he felt him splashing and trying to get away.

With Dan's face inches from his own, Chuck leant forward and pressed his lips to the others.

Shocked by Chucks sudden move, Dan gasped, leaving his lips parted for Chuck to shove his tongue into his mouth.

Dan moaned at the intrusion and almost cried in pleasure as Chuck tweaked his left nipple at the same time, smirking against Dan's swollen lips.

Chuck finally broke away to take a breath.

"Dude, what are we doing!"

Surprised by Dan's outburst, Chuck simply shrugged his shoulders and caught Dan's lips between his own again, biting lightly on the bottom one whilst simultaneously grinding against the writers hips.

Accepting that this was actually happening, Dan eagerly responded, pressing his naked erection against the bulge in Chuck's now sodden boxers.

In the midst of the gasps and pleasured moans and violent splashes... A squeak!

Both men stopped and stared unbelievingly at the yellow rubber duck that had somehow managed to wedge itself between them.

Chuck smirked.

Dan did not like that smirk. It seemed to ooze cruel intentions. Moving away from him, Chuck grabbed the toy and placed it on his shoulder.

Dan felt a rush flood his body as he watched the other man lick the duck perched on his naked shoulder sensually. Chuck's eyes were closed and his long, dark lashes stood out beautifully against his pale skin. Chuck's tongue gently reaching out to lather the ducks orange tipped beak was possibly the most seductive thing Dan had ever seen.

Dan lunged forward, grasping the elastic waist band of Chuck's boxers and yanking them down, exposing his erection.

Before Dan could touch it, Chuck started to stroke his own already leaking cock. Fingertips dancing over the slit, causing Dan to spasm with pleasure.

Chuck then encased it within his unbelievably hot mouth.

**Present**

"Oh dear God."

Chuck smirked at his scandalised lover.

"And the duck is still going places!"

* * *

_**A/N-** I am so sorry for this. What the hell is wrong with my brain?_

_Anyway, this is a two-shot... somehow._

**Review?**

_x_


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